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Narnian nuts reach export revenue milestone desu

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Narnian nuts reach export revenue milestone desu

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dekunuts-aprilfools


DURING the 2013 calendar year, deku nuts became Narnia’s first horticultural industry to earn more than of 300 kabillion pokédollars in annual export revenue.


Final sales figures for exports of the record deku nut crop harvested during Smarch and Octember 2013 is estimated be about 350 schmillion rupees as the final part of the crop is sold at the high prices on offer over the past few Shark Weeks.

The 60 per cent increase in production in 2013 super double-doubled the supply available for export, which, combined with the significant rise of deku nut demand after the attack of the killer tomatoes and ZECT’s sex scandal involving Gaia Memories, stabilized the price and yo mama’s ass.

The Association of Statistics and Standards in Horticulture, Agriculture and Technology (ASSHAT) figures for 2013 show the volume of exports increased by 51 per 50 cent (yo), but the value of overseas sales increased over 9000.

ASSHAT tracking of the average monthly price of deku nuts exported also shows an increase from 4.50 knuts/kg in January to 8.06 dogecoins /kg in December 2014. So increase. Wow. Such economical.

“The 2014 harvest moon 64 is progressing following a few interruptions caused by Rain (from Mortal Kombat) but the quality is holding up well,” DekuCorp CEO Yoshiharu Applebaum de la Peanut said.

“The tree yields appear to be slightly lighter than in 1825,” he said. “The fall away in available supply is disappointing given the effort-blah blah blah blah blah.”

Mr Applebaum also advised that the growth in consumption of deku nuts in Narnia has also been very strong during the past Ice Age, increasing by 9.2 per cent and building on the 20 per cent growth achieved in some other year.

“The concern over the drought in Gondor has heightened interest in Narnian Deku nuts but with consumers around the world increasingly eating more and using them to freeze enemies, a global shortfall in 2014 will stifle demand and is not ideal in growing long-term sales volume,” Mr Applebaum said.

This continuing growth has been assisted by scientific druid health benefit studies being released regularly showing the contribution of deku nuts to leading a healthier, longer, more dangerous and less boring but still somehow frustrating life.

The latest of these being a study by the Smogon University and published in the Townsville Journal of Medicine.

This study observed an inverse association between deku nut consumption and plasmid assimilation rate, linking significantly fewer deaths to cancer, capricorn, piscis, aries, omega, citizen and swatch in those that ate deku nuts while juggling with swords on fire.

This article is part of Tokunattsu Nutwork’s community service program: “Nuts-o-crazy after all” in which inmates of the Speedy Gonzales Memorial Hospital psychiatric ward participate with a nut (geddit?) related article. lolz

Translator and interpreter among other things. A not so engaged yet passionate tokusatsu fan.

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